Your Giggles for Today
Blonde inventions:
Waterproof towel
Unbreakable egg
Submarine screen door
Solar powered flash light
Helicopter ejection seat
Inflatable dart board
Pedal powered wheel chairs"
Closet:
What do you call the skeleton of a blonde you find in a closet? 1950’s Hide-n-seek champion.
Birds:
Two blondes are walking in the park and the 1st blonde say, “Look! Dead bird!” The 2nd blonde looks up into the sky and yells “Where?!”
Marriage:
How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.
What will be her response? “Is it mine!”
Computer:
How can you tell a blonde been using your computer?
There’s whiteout on the screen.
Ventriloquist:
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!"
The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!" (Lol! And the blonde jokes continues).
Vanna:
Question: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
Answer: They can’t find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.
Library Blonde:
A blonde walked in a library and went to the librarian, pulls out a thick book and started screaming at her. She yells, “This book is horrible! There are too many characters and no plot whatsoever!” The librarian stares at her, then calmly replies, “so you’re the one who took our phone book.”
Y2K:
TO: Boss
FROM: Blondie
RE: Changing Calendars from Y2K
I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all of the company calendars for next year. The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:
Januark
Februark
Mak
Julk
I also changed all the days of each week to:
Sundak
Mondak
Tuesdak
Wednesdak
Thursdak
Fridak
Saturdak
We are now Y to K compliant. Have a nice dak!!!
A Blonde Rancher:
A blonde has just inherited a Ranch but only had two horses. The problem was she couldn't tell them apart. So she goes to her neighbor rancher and asks for help. He suggests cutting ones tail a bit shorter then the other. She does it but then a week later she comes back and tells the neighbor rancher that it grew back. So he tells her to tie a different colored string around one of the horses neck. She does it but a week later the tie slips off and she has to go back to the neighbor. So he suggest she paint a different color spot on each of the horses. She does and comes back a week later with cookies.
She tells the neighbor rancher, "Here I baked these for you. Your plan worked perfectly. I painted a red spot on the black horse and a blue spot on the white horse."
Stolen Car:
Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes car to his favorite sporting goods store. He parked it outside and went in to do a little perusing with Jan, his regular sales woman.
Jan was a pretty blonde, and as Oscar walked into the store, she happily greeted him. But he requested to look around alone today before he needed her help. She obliged and let him do his thing.
Five minutes later, Jan came running up to him yelling, "Oscar! Oscar! I just saw someone driving off with your new Mercedes!"
"Dear God! Did you try to stop him?"
"No," she said, "I did better than that! I got the license plate number!"
Parachuting:
A blonde and a brunette go parachuting. The blonde jumps first, pulls her parachute cord, and slowly drifts in the air and enjoys the view.
The brunette jumps after her and pulls her parachute cord, but nothing happens! She pulls it again, this time as hard as she can, but still nothing. She pulls the cord to the emergency chute, but that doesn't open either. She passes by the blonde like a speeding bullet!
The blonde looks at her and says, while getting her parachute off her shoulders, "So, you want to race, do you?"
Locked Car:
"A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
