Your Giggles for Today

The Murder Case:
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

Adventures in Disneyland:
Two blondes were going to Disneyland when they came to a fork in the road. The sign read: “Disneyland Left.”
So they went home.

Selling a Car:
A blond wanted to sell her car but failed many times. Even though the car looked practically new it had over 400,000 miles on it. So she goes to a bar and there’s a brunette sitting a few barstools away and she’s wearing mechanic’s overalls. They start talking and the blonde tells the brunette her problems. The brunette feels sorry for her.
The brunette says, “Well I’m a mechanic. I can help you sell your car but it’s not legal.”
The blonde says she’ll do whatever it takes.
The brunette says, “Well I can change your odometer back to 40,000 miles and it’s be easier to sell.”
The blonde agrees and gives the brunette her keys.
So the brunette takes the car back to her garage and sets back the counter. Then the next morning returns the car.
A week later they run into each other and the brunette asks the blonde if she sold her car.
The blonde says, “Why would I sell my car?? It only has 40,000 miles on it.”

Line Painters:
There’s a blonde and a brunette working for a painting company. They need to paint the yellow lines on a road by hand for the city since the trucks are broken. The first day the blonde paints 5.4 miles of road, the brunette paints 6 miles of roads.
The second day the blonde paints 4.1 miles of road, the brunette paints 6.7 miles of road.
The third day the blonde paints 2.9 miles of road, the brunette paints 6.9 miles of road.
Worried about the blonde, the supervisor goes to the blonde and asks why she is painting less and less road each day.
She replies, “The bucket just keeps getting further and further away.”

Blonde and Grenades:
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell! She’s got a grenade in her mouth!

Fire:
Two blondes realize that their apartment is on fire and go out onto the balcony.
“Help, help!” yelled one of the blondes.
“Help us, help us!” Yelled the other.
“Maybe it would help if we yelled together,” said the firs blonde.
“Good idea,” said the other.
“Together, together!” They yelled.

Blonde Driving:
A blonde was swerving all over the road, driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?”
The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!”
The cop looked at her and said, “Lady, that’s your air freshener.”

The Kidnapping:
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, “I’ve kidnapped you.”
She then wrote a note saying, “I’ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A blonde.”
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid’s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree.
The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, “How could you do this to a fellow blonde?”

Capitals:
There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn’t dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all the states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke. She says, I’m not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me.”
He thought for a moment and asked, “What is the capital of Massachusetts?”
She quickly replied, “M.”